Clothesline

I don't know why but when I was hanging up my clothes on the clothesline I thought, "Man, I'm white trash!"

I chose to put the line up. My husband Dustin and I had talked about it, why it was a good idea, what it would mean. One day I just got a bee in my bonnet. It was time. I went into the hot and sweaty garage and rifled through my husbands massive three tier, multi drawer, beast of a tool chest. I needed a hammer. I needed nails. I needed twine. I hunted and I found--quite primitive really. I felt pretty important, pretty powerful. I stood on a lawn chair and attached the yellow nylon twine to fat headed nails that I hammered into the pergola. Six nails, three strands, three nice yellow clotheslines. It was perfect, I had done it.

I did it because I thought it mattered. It mattered to my bank account--the dryer is a huge offender when it comes to energy use. It mattered to my mind--why use the dryer when the fresh air is free and available? It mattered to my heart--The environment is suffering, this is one of many things I can do to help. And yet, even though it mattered in all of these meaningful ways I found that it mattered in a meaningless way.

When I clipped my kiddos t-shirt up there why did I feel like less of a person? Why did my mind go to a hateful place that belittled people that matter to the heart of God? Why did I stereotype my behavior with such a negative label? What is so wrong with the clothesline?

It really has nothing to do with the clothesline it has everything to do with me. I have bought into the idea that to have value means I have all the right June Cleaver appliances, all of the right techno-gadgets, all of the right stuff. But why? If the clothesline was good enough for my grandma why can't it be good enough for me? If the clothesline saves me money why can't I just accept it? If the clothesline lessens my affect on the earth why not just do it? Because at my core I am selfish and shallow. Good reason or not, good person or not my clothesline reveals how I feel about myself and others.

It's an altogether kind of thought. Simple clothes line+my selfishness=wrong feelings about myself and others. Separately the feelings are wrong, separately the clothesline is fine, maybe even good, but altogether something shows up that is painfully revealing.

I've been using my clothesline. I've been different since I first had that thought. I have been thinking different thoughts as I pin up the sheets. I have looked at people differently since I thought it too. At first I felt pretty bad about what the clothesline said about me but it has opened my eyes to truth, truth I can do something about. Altogether now it's been eye opening.